you have to choose: penises or morals?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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