Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So squirting runs in the family.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
