she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
