I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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