yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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