Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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