this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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