Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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