i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
