My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
