This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
