i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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