The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
