I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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