I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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