I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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