OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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