Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
