I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
