found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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