Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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