I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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