One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
