Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
