it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
