My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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