Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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