We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My vagina is officially offended.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
