dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
