Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
