xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My ass is underappreciated
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
