speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
