i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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