guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
