The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize