where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
