Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
