You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
