This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
