they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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