why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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