Nicole vs. Life
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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