I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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