a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
