I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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