I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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