you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
