Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
