We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize