Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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