apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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