i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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