I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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