I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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