whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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