I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We have started to decorate penises.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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